Better Late Than Never

I apologize for leaving you hanging on Portlandia. It was cool when I made that post, but now its overblown and it seems like I'm trying to entice people into a culture that is decidedly NOT 4 SALE. Uncool.

Fortunately for you. It has been quite cold here, and consequently, Cabin fever has brought me back to the cyber world, I would expect a new legitimate post within the decade.

Purely for Enjoyment

This Comes courtesy of my room mates, I have nothing left to say so view...

Craig's List Bonanza

First of all, to clarify the title of the post. Bonanza was recently the word of the day, as well as actually existing as a town in Colorado. So if you happened to be suckered into driving through the San Louis Valley, I highly recommend taking that detour if you are also, like me, of the persuasion that life is just too darn long.

Anyways, I just found this and thought I'd ridicule it for you.

Whole Foods-grass-fed yogurt- m4w (Cherry Creek) Denver, CO

"I was looking for the sour cream ... You sold me on the virtues of the umhomogenized yogurt ... Saw you in the checkout wearing your bike helmet but didn't get to ask... Would you be available for dinner sometime?"

The absurdity of basing a relationship on some's knowledge of the intrinsic negative side affects of transfats and hydrogenation when compared to the ickyness of a little bit of watery stuff on top of your yogurt if you didn't eat it yesterday made me think this was a joke, since I would consider such dairy banter normal and reasonable (but then again this blog was a coin flip away from being called climb bike bass 'n dairy farm). It seemed more unreasonable for this mystery girl to be so adamant about a product this lad wasn't looking for ("So I see your looking at chicken wings. Have you considered the difference between Texas prime rib and authentic Polish sausage?")

So I think the third sentence is the important one (although the ellipses lead me to believe this is an excerpt from a significantly longer treatise of his trip to the grocery store, so the third sentence here). Normally continuing to wear your bike helmet while you perform significantly un-bike-related things is considered nerdly. It gives me the impression that maybe you need to wear your bike helmet at all times (maybe this woman doesn't even own a bike). I also found it peculiar that he didn't notice her wearing a helmet during the conversation. So my belief is that she was wearing an inconspicuous hat-helmet and that initially Mr. Right assumed she was wearing a inconspicuous hat, one that you might not even take note that she was wearing a hat at all:

and from an alternate angle, it reminded him of that magazine add he saw.

Therefore, like anyone 'in the market,' he is trying to show how 'in' he is with bike culture to see how 'in' he can get with her.

As with all my posts, I hope that you can all learn a little something from this.

Lesson 1) sometimes dairy banter is purely educational

Lesson 2) always abridge your craigslist posts when necessary, but, unlike this poster, provide a link to the full essay in order that those who have excessive time (a very small minority of those browsing the missed connections section of craigslist) might be further enlightened.

Papa John, an American Godzilla

First of all when I logged on to velonews this morning I was roused by this photograph showing how hard professional cyclocross racers are willing to push themselves

Then I thought what makes people really push themselves and I quickly realized this was no simple race. This was the practical side of cyclocross... Yes, cyclocross riding is the most practical escape route when one is faced with a giant monster chasing you across grass, mud, and contrived obstacles. I believe, in reality, this photograph is about the last three survivors of the attack of the giant Papa John monster, which I can only assume has already consumed the majority of greater Portland.

looks kinda like this

While that is all fun and games (except for everyone living in Portland, for whom fun and games was an overly serious matter that contained no joy, and especially now that they were killed by a monster). I do intend to actually start posting this low grade crap again. Seriously.

What have I been doing this last month

Check out this if your in the Sprangs in a Week

I would like to apologize to the 5 people who checked in here to see what crazy nonsense has been floating to my mind. I realize that not being able to justify your own sanity by dipping a B$ litmus strip in and seeing if my ideas seem bizarre is no small sacrifice. So I will attempt to placate them with the most nerdly post every seen in the blogosphere (and miserably fail).

Firstly I went to Colorado Springs and managed to sleep for 80% of the time I was there. While I was awake, I managed to catch this guy getting arrested outside of King Soopers

This didn’t seem to weird, except that he was getting EMS treatment when I got back.

Yes, I also had other days that rivaled this in excitement!

For instance on a different day, I saw this product: Gipz. While it was fairly satisfying, I’m glad that I never spent my own money on them. What was especially exiting was the twofold instructions (I read some Heidegger this month, too)

It has instructions for both the average person and the ironically impaired. Next to the large self-explanatory arrow showing where to open the product, the elves (Evlus Keeblerus) show there species poetic/rhyming capacity with the clever phrase “Rip ‘n Tip.” But, in order to market to a larger demographic they give the direction to “Tear Here.” I feel like the Keebler clan should combine their rhyming and need to market to everyone meanwhilst (meanwhilst is meanwhile in the pretentious case) directing the correct market to the correct instructions: “Find the arrow and pull to tear, your lack of irony makes you a square.”

Yes and my month got even more exciting than that!

I drove through a hailstorm and took pictures

Driving in inclement weather and photographing it is, Driving through inclement weather and texting 2.0

I also saw the Barnum and Bailey Ringling Bros Train! At first I was disappointed that there were no elephant sized cars, but then I began phantasizing (it’s kinda like calling something phat— in that it’s lame) about a herd of elephants migrating across the plains that lie east of the front range en route from Pueblo and Denver. But I was awakened from ma reverie, by something (probably to buy this personal burger fryer)

Or this shot glass holder

Whate’er the reason, I continued on with my day and eventually past the train again to catch this photo

The main thing to note is the satellite. I guess it would be nice to have if you were a part of a traveling circus, but it still tickled my ulna (since compounding my ulna, the large titanium plate has made that bone far more ticklish than my humerus).

Anyhow, you can see that nearly a half dozen things happened to me. So I'm sure you're all glad I didn't stretch each of these occurrences into their own posts. I also snapped some photos of various outhouse signage.

Revenge of the Nerd

As always, sadaday in the Tarryalls is thrilling!

Even in the total absence of dancang

But sitting around quietly listening to Dizzy "Freakin'" Gillespie go me to thinking, "Man I should really be listening to Cat Steven's 'Another Saturday night.'" But after that, the thought train kind of stopped rolling.

But just like a train that has been sitting rusted on a set of tracks in the Arkansas River Valley eventually starts moving again once the river erodes the tracks and the train falls over and begins its long quest to the Mississippi Delta, I some how was able to come up with an adequate subject for this weB LOGular entry.

In this forthcoming entry, I will attempt to combine philosophic musings with the eternal warm-when-wet comedy of the Alpaca

God was joking, right? Except for the softness, that's for real

Some sort of children(s) posed a query to me while guiding. "Why," he proclaimed, "is it that so many people both climb and mountain bike?" (don't worry about the incorrect usage of proclaimed... unless you really want to be both a nerd and 'that guy'). That seemed like an easy answer, they both require a similar level of athletic prowess combined cleverly with constant peril. Sure, quads don't help grabbing things and biceps don't really help going up hills but only nerds really care that much about inconsequential performance. But does music some how fit into that same idea, or am I a music nerd... NO!

With that issue resolved I almost let the subject slide, but then I realized I never resolved anything, I just reaffirmed the fundamental truth of reality (my unnerdlyness). It's pretty obv

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Wait, I just found out that there is going to be a World of Warcraft movie.

NERDS. And not the cool sweet-n-tangy nerds.

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ious that I'm not a nerd, just look at my high school face book (the actual book from high school not the popular website) photo.

Just imagine the resolution if we had 4th generation iPhones

I still, unfortunately, had to prove that music is possibly totally BA. Sure everyone has stage fright, but I've never come close to doing this on a gig. What is it about being totally isolated, being a music nerd practicing that is totally BA (Boastfully Awesome, this blog is no place for either fowl or foul language).

The answer lies in perception of coolness (la perception de la cool, in French), I've top roped climbs in front of clients shortly after essentially soloing a route and they were impressed. I certainly don't see soloing 4th class as 'cool' but that's because I sat down and read Freedom of the Hills, and determined that TRing routes is safe, just like I practiced and found out that jazz is safe (unless you beep when you should bop).

So like any great philosophic work, I leave you with a paradox. I have to be a nerd in order to not be a nerd whether climbing, biking, or bassing. And a picture of a muskrat, I'm also leaving you with that.

Two Horses and an Alpaca

As I was stuck supervising Chitlins while they slept last night, I watched the Firebird (L'Oiseau de Feu, Жар-птица, Der Feuervogel depending on your languageway) auf iPod (иПод) (its teal... the coolest, and not even a little nerdly), as a creative artist myself. I got to thinking about my own 10 minute opera/ballet (you may need to download Finale Reader) based on the text of the children's book that started my lifelong obsession with shenanigans (and not just 'cause its a fun word to say). Realizing how much interational success that it is bound to achieve me, I thought about what other ideas I might have to give the world, I was astounded to remember that nearly a month after having the idea I had made almost no progress towards writing the first season.

That's right! I had almost entirely forgotten about "Two Horses and An Alpaca." Now, I don't normally get all Willy Nilly about emoticons (remember I'm no nerd), but I will say this of myslef:

:(

While I plan to get on that in the next [large unit of time], I will tell you this of the concept so that you, yes all 9-12 of you, can start the buzz. Firstly, that this show is firmly planted in reality and there is a farm/ranch on the back side of Florissant which happened to have only two horses and an alpaca visible as I rode by on one particular day. That there was an alpaca resort (as far as I could tell) down the road, that the characters will mostly be animals and have Mr. Ed-like voices. The horses are going to be straight edged while the alpaca is going to be the free spirit whom the horses try to shun, but end up learning a lesson about individuality by the end of he episode

Most importantly, there will be a comical Kramer-like dog who will have a catch-phrase, coffee themed name, and will be on an endless quest for the central Coloradan banana tree.

Just wait for the hijicks to ensue.

Since there were no photos in this entry, it is my pleasure to present both a joke and a photo depiciting how exiting square dancing was tonight.

What a hindu?

It lays eggs! HAHAHAHAHA......