Revenge of the Nerd

As always, sadaday in the Tarryalls is thrilling!

Even in the total absence of dancang

But sitting around quietly listening to Dizzy "Freakin'" Gillespie go me to thinking, "Man I should really be listening to Cat Steven's 'Another Saturday night.'" But after that, the thought train kind of stopped rolling.

But just like a train that has been sitting rusted on a set of tracks in the Arkansas River Valley eventually starts moving again once the river erodes the tracks and the train falls over and begins its long quest to the Mississippi Delta, I some how was able to come up with an adequate subject for this weB LOGular entry.

In this forthcoming entry, I will attempt to combine philosophic musings with the eternal warm-when-wet comedy of the Alpaca

God was joking, right? Except for the softness, that's for real

Some sort of children(s) posed a query to me while guiding. "Why," he proclaimed, "is it that so many people both climb and mountain bike?" (don't worry about the incorrect usage of proclaimed... unless you really want to be both a nerd and 'that guy'). That seemed like an easy answer, they both require a similar level of athletic prowess combined cleverly with constant peril. Sure, quads don't help grabbing things and biceps don't really help going up hills but only nerds really care that much about inconsequential performance. But does music some how fit into that same idea, or am I a music nerd... NO!

With that issue resolved I almost let the subject slide, but then I realized I never resolved anything, I just reaffirmed the fundamental truth of reality (my unnerdlyness). It's pretty obv

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Wait, I just found out that there is going to be a World of Warcraft movie.

NERDS. And not the cool sweet-n-tangy nerds.

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ious that I'm not a nerd, just look at my high school face book (the actual book from high school not the popular website) photo.

Just imagine the resolution if we had 4th generation iPhones

I still, unfortunately, had to prove that music is possibly totally BA. Sure everyone has stage fright, but I've never come close to doing this on a gig. What is it about being totally isolated, being a music nerd practicing that is totally BA (Boastfully Awesome, this blog is no place for either fowl or foul language).

The answer lies in perception of coolness (la perception de la cool, in French), I've top roped climbs in front of clients shortly after essentially soloing a route and they were impressed. I certainly don't see soloing 4th class as 'cool' but that's because I sat down and read Freedom of the Hills, and determined that TRing routes is safe, just like I practiced and found out that jazz is safe (unless you beep when you should bop).

So like any great philosophic work, I leave you with a paradox. I have to be a nerd in order to not be a nerd whether climbing, biking, or bassing. And a picture of a muskrat, I'm also leaving you with that.

Two Horses and an Alpaca

As I was stuck supervising Chitlins while they slept last night, I watched the Firebird (L'Oiseau de Feu, Жар-птица, Der Feuervogel depending on your languageway) auf iPod (иПод) (its teal... the coolest, and not even a little nerdly), as a creative artist myself. I got to thinking about my own 10 minute opera/ballet (you may need to download Finale Reader) based on the text of the children's book that started my lifelong obsession with shenanigans (and not just 'cause its a fun word to say). Realizing how much interational success that it is bound to achieve me, I thought about what other ideas I might have to give the world, I was astounded to remember that nearly a month after having the idea I had made almost no progress towards writing the first season.

That's right! I had almost entirely forgotten about "Two Horses and An Alpaca." Now, I don't normally get all Willy Nilly about emoticons (remember I'm no nerd), but I will say this of myslef:

:(

While I plan to get on that in the next [large unit of time], I will tell you this of the concept so that you, yes all 9-12 of you, can start the buzz. Firstly, that this show is firmly planted in reality and there is a farm/ranch on the back side of Florissant which happened to have only two horses and an alpaca visible as I rode by on one particular day. That there was an alpaca resort (as far as I could tell) down the road, that the characters will mostly be animals and have Mr. Ed-like voices. The horses are going to be straight edged while the alpaca is going to be the free spirit whom the horses try to shun, but end up learning a lesson about individuality by the end of he episode

Most importantly, there will be a comical Kramer-like dog who will have a catch-phrase, coffee themed name, and will be on an endless quest for the central Coloradan banana tree.

Just wait for the hijicks to ensue.

Since there were no photos in this entry, it is my pleasure to present both a joke and a photo depiciting how exiting square dancing was tonight.

What a hindu?

It lays eggs! HAHAHAHAHA......

Recovery: Apathy is Acceptable?!

So the last several days (aka Sunday and Monday) was the wonderful time where work didn't expect me to be able to effectively deal with children, and I was able to engage in a general apathy known widely as recovery.

Sunday proved to be the best example. After a night of cramping each time I rolled over, I convinced myself that the day was worth facing. Then promptly after finishing a bowl of cheerio's I slept for another 45 minutes. Then I performed an adequate 145 minutes of lounging and practicing the contrabass. Then I realized that all the food I had eaten in the last 20 hours had induced nausea, so I came up with the brilliant idea to lounge by Tarryall Creek. I took a several hour nap, woke up hungry, then continued driving to Jefferson to get a delicious, greasy, delicious Burger and Fries from the Hungry Moose Caboose (please go there if you're in Jefferson, CO), and it was greasy.

After able recalorification, I resumed my lounging:

'I'm gonna guess by your tan lines that you aren't a golfer'

I also found some enjoyable views:

I even learned some interesting Tarryall Valley facts during my roaming.

At Least my bike doesn't poop in the Wilderness!

Such as there is a horse trail to the base of X-Rock

"Ranger's were required to show proficiency in horse packing"

Or that Forest Rangers were once held to some standards of proficiency. As interesting as that was I slept till dinner and then slept for the night.

The next morning I managed move up in the world from apathy to lethargy. After barely any sleeping in, and a mere meh-cceptable lounging period it was time for... Breckenridge! As everyone knows Summit County is the place to be if you don't feel like doing anything active and if you don't really want to spend money. Me and PIC (Partner in Crime) visited several local boutiques only to discover that unlike a endurance bike race, real stores give very little away for free. So we bought Mary's Mountain Cookies, and skidoodled over to Carter Park. Where after a short hike at the start for the firecracker 50. We saw this.

"Custom Fence"

I was unable to capture all those just outside the frame who were upset because of Breck's attempt to make fence culture into the main stream be just going out and getting the nicest custom fence they could without spending the time to get 'field cred.' I also captured a photo of nerd culture, that was expressly not for sale, but I managed to delete it in my unnerdlyness. Please use google to search for photos of 'iPhone users' for better results than I could have given anyways.

After seeing family and eating Empire Burger, an LLF (Long Lost Friend) entreated me and my companion to step foot in Manitou. This required the several hour drive to reassure myself that I would be normal even after a stop in the Mate Factor and several moderate-to-severe hissy fits descending from Woodland Park. We arrived early to Manitou, so the obvious thing to do was hit up the penny arcade.

While I was tempted to spare my quarters in order to find out how kissable I was, I remembered that there are several websites that advertise that service for free, several maybe even on this blog. So I used the pinball machines to relieve me of my pocket change.

I don't see anything Roller Derby related in the game play!

After singing lines from "Pinball Wizard" and a thorough stretching/calisthenics routine, I played as seriously as I could, only to realize that I was inches from grave injury as this warning indicates

I ended up lightening up my mood, and felt much safer. This LLF soon showed up and relieved myself of the embarrassment playing arcade games poorly. Obviously the next step was to head northwest by several hundred yards and attend the "Mate Fator." I won't go into very much detail, but I will say that I received a complimentary cookie for them taking too long on my order, that the cookie wasn't particularly delicious (whereas the steamed and buttered muffin is F-I-N-E fine), that we had a pleasant conversation, and that I attempted to document my fellow tavern goers including what must be the Monday Night Magic Card Before Going Back To Our Parents' House Club, which was meeting directly across from me. However, I'm terrified to report that apparently everyone else in the place seemed to be a vampire, because they all failed to show up in the photographs.

Anyone with connections is encouraged to call those who can help.

The Barely 100

Feeling like a piece of fridge, watching emotional embrace

As everybody knows, (where everybody means the literally dozen-ish people who have viewed this blog) I raced the Bailey 100. Needless to say, I didn't take any pictures because of the off chance that I could accidentally document myself incoherently weeping to myself while spending most of my mental energy trying not to 'toss cookies.'

Therefore, I intend to tell the story of what I do remember via unrelated pictures.

The story starts mostly the night before where the most notable thing that happened was my interaction with Dave Wiens.

Dave is a "bear" of a man... HAHAHA

The extent of my interaction was two fold. Firstly, he gave me my doubled pay that my boss offered. This occurred through a sophisticated procedure as illustrated thusly.

Dave Wiens pushing my visor over my eyes

Dave is represented by the giant prairie dog and, to keep our statures in proportion, I'm represented by the small stuffed bear wearing a visor. Dave's hand motion is represented by the red arrow and my subsequent visor direction is illustrated by the blue arrow. The magnitude of my visor's fall is represented by the blue hatch mark in the left directionway of the bear.

After that and some senatorial meet 'n creep, which I'm assuming will set me up with a job as long as Colorado has a state senate, it was bed time. At first I thought that 4 wake up meant in the afternoon, but apparently not since I found my self trying to stomach breakfast burritos at roughly 4:15 am (mountain time, opposed to my original guesses of east coast and Greenwich mean time). After some prerace shenanigans and a dose of my secret PED (performance enhancing drug), we were roused to race with the traditional call, of iPhone to bull horn amplified national anthem, and a starting gun that actually means bidness, we began riding.

Among some of the other things me and my riding buddy learned, we determined that some of the bicycles in the race cost more than $1000! We learned this from a Scott sponsored riding who claimed her bike cost six thousand dollars (thats 18.72 in Euro), and that she had nine. Wow! Can you imagine...

Then there was a while where we rode some sweet sangle tarck. And about 3 hours in that same ride came up from behind us and informed us that we smelled poorly (which took some clarification to determine that it wasn't our skills that stank).

The Charmin Bear: Would you ride behind him?

The next thing I remember is noting at about 4.5 hours that "this is the part where things get less fun." And I'm no amateur at determining parts of things. I've also successfully determined when it was the part where we go off the road, and the part that happens after the drums stop (bass solo).

Then there are spots that don't stand out, learning at mile 65 that the winner (JHK) was in, changing chamois, and reapplying my PED

How does you're chamois-saddle interface feel?

Then there is some really low points and I won't bore you (or embarrass myself) with the details, but I did manage to finish. I will confirm rumors that it was indeed my second worse day on a bike, after...

Welcome To The Black Hole

The B$ seal

Unfortunately, i have been sucked into the black hole which is the Tarryall Valley for sometime now. And despite my best efforts, all attempts at communicating with the outside world have failed and have come crashing back to me at very close to the speed of light.

I have had some experiences that I won't ever forget, such as seeing democracy's inaction on jury duty. Being deceived twice: once that I was going mountain cycle riding with centaurs, when in fact I was doing it with a senator. Then I thought I was going meet the cast of ALF, when I was meeting a program called A.L.F. But this is all part of the illogical shenanigans (a sophisticated physics term) that occurs beyond an event horizon.

But the subject of this post in a 100+ mile training ride for the Bailey Hundo (taking place tomorrow) I was only able to document the first third of this ride do to camera's batteryway being very low on power, but I managed to get some sweet photogs of the first half.

This photo was from playing hide-and-go-seek with Pikes Peak. He did pretty good for a while, but I prevailed. I was unable to get many other good photos, except of these geese exploring the concept of chicken wire (largely obscured by brush)

and my ferocious attack into Cripple Creek.

7 Miles per hour!

What I was not able to document photographically was two fold. My creation of a sitcom about two horses and an alpaca (based on a farm which had those animals in that proportion). And Cripple Creek.

The sitcom needs to wait for a separate post, as blogger does not allow for such voluminous text for both subjects. But Cripple Creek is an odd place. I had seen a billboard that advertised Cripple Creek as an "adult playground" so when I saw a playground across from main parking garage I figured I had made it to the right place. However, the only thing like a casino was gambling my dignity by using the slide bekitted. I then got objectified by some townies, by which I am still scarred. So while I never quite figured out the whole casino thing, I can attest that Cripple Creek has outstanding public facilities, albeit hard to find. Seeing the mines is also cool and I would recommend taking the scenic county road between CC and Victor.

Oh yeah, I also saw this this week.

And then after seeing who I was this

More Posts to come later this week! and jokes too :,(